On a not-so-fine morning, I was woken up by a call from my cousin who was yelling that ‘the ocean has entered the city’. That’s the verbatim message of his call to me at about 7am in the morning – ‘The ocean has entered the city’. My response apparently was ‘What? Are you joking?’. ‘I saw it with my own eyes’ he screamed. I still didn’t believe him. I asked, ‘Is this like the ‘milk-drinking-Ganesh’ episode?’. He was yelling on the other side impatiently, ‘Come and see it yourselves’. He sounded more excited than worried. Living in the coastal locality such a thing must first create fear and chaos. Like always, we don’t think these things ever happen to us. When such things happen, when you see things like ‘ocean entering the city’, the overwhelming feeling is that, ‘My oh my, I’ve never seen and I don’t think I’ll ever see such a thing’. I rushed to the beach. After all, I was one of the people who experienced the tremors in Chennai earlier that morning.

We want to witness these things so we can get that original experience and probably tell stories. That’s what exactly I’m doing now. On the tsunami day, if you’re a Chennaiite, you must have been in Chennai. I would have been hugely disappointed to find myself miles away from the coast on that day. When such things happen there is a tendency to witness and experience these things. That’s the top-of-the-mind feeling. That’s more to do with the natural calamities because we haven’t still figured them out yet. They are huge, they are powerful, they are unstoppable, they’re mysterious, they prove that they’re bigger than you and your scientific achievements all put together.

Being undecided on whether to believe or not, I took my motorbike and rushed to the beach. The beach was just a mile from my home. The moment I came out of my home, I realised that it had to be true. There were so many people on the road in groups, talking about what they saw, why the tsunami has come, the end of the world and all that. It was awfully unusual to find so many people on the road. When you find so many people on the road, they must be walking or moving or they must be in a procession. These people were not walking or moving. They were simply standing on the roads and talking in groups. May be, they felt more comfortable in the company of fellow humans. Natural calamities do unite people.

As I got closer and closer to the beach, I could see that there was a huge mass of people facing the beach, watching the damage and the proceedings. I parked my bike somewhere. Nobody cares about ‘no parking zones’ in these times. Such times are when no one would bother much about law and order or discipline. Discipline is for orderliness among the humans. But the humanity was under threat. At least that’s what most of them thought. Many thought tsunamis were happening all over the world on that day. Many thought there would be more tsunamis on the same day. Many thought that that would be the end of the world. It was impossible to ignore that, as per Hindu cosmology, the end of the world had something to do with water.

I managed to find my way through the mass of onlookers to get a peep at my beloved beach. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I couldn’t see the beach at all. It was all filled with ocean water. The ocean had broken its boundaries and had truly entered the city. What I saw was ocean and after the ocean the main roads of the city. The ocean had come closer by more than half a mile. The beautiful sand beach was not to be seen at all. I could see the huge boats on the main road. They were washed away to that extent. The rescuers were still busy rescuing people and retrieving the dead bodies.

The marina beach had a crucial part in my life. Marina was never too far me. For about 25 years, we had stayed less than a kilometre distance from the beach. It’s hard find a Chennai boy not have played cricket in the beach. I too have played in the beach. Now I wonder how we managed to play there. There were so many teams, players, pitches and balls completely overlapping each other but still there was some method in the madness. May be it was the chaos that we liked and enjoyed. Me and my friends used to spend so much of our time in the beach also chatting, discussing, arguing and debating. During my college days and later, we used to be there almost every other evening with some or the other topic to talk about. It could range from mild-ragging one of our gang or to some serious social issues. I have some fantastic memories from the Marina beach.

I returned home dumbstruck and awestruck. That was one day when all the households were watching nothing but news channels. All those ‘I-told-you-so’ astrologers were having a field day. More doomsdays were predicted. Scientists had their say. Nostradamus was referred and every effort was made to interpret him in such a way he predicted this. I was in shock though I didn’t quite express it. It wasn’t just shock, it was some kind of unexplainable fear. There was some pain too. It was very painful to see the beach like that. It was like seeing the rubble of your house where you lived for decades. We didn’t know the beach would be back to its beauty. We didn’t know when we would be able to visit the beach again. We didn’t know if the fear of tsunami would play a part in our relationship with the beach going forward. For many days the beach was completely deserted, partly due to the police restrictions and mostly due to the fear of more tsunamis.

My father tells me that when there was a attack threat on Madras during the second world war, many landlords sold their property for throwaway prices and fled from the city. Similarly, tsunami brought the real estate prices down in the coastal regions. When there is a threat on life, money becomes a non-issue. Life is uncertain. But we go on living as if we’re very certain about our lives. We keep saying life is uncertain but don’t actually live our lives like we mean it. We realise soon enough that life being uncertain is the most certain thing.

I told you that I don’t get dreams or nightmares. But the few days since the tsunami, I got so many nightmares. The one I still vividly remember is this. I’m in the terrace of my friend’s two-storey house. The road in which this house is, is very broad and is perpendicular to the beach. From the terrace, you could see the beach and the ocean very easily. While I’m standing there road-watching, I suddenly see people running haywire on the road. There is suddenly chaos and terror. And the next thing I see is that of huge wave of water entering that road. The water level is so high that standing in the terrace I could reach out to touch the water. That image of ocean gushing towards us in that broad road submerging all the houses was the most horrific nightmare I’ve ever had. It chills my spine when I write this now!

This is a fake picture but this the closest we’d get to see a true tsunami scene. Imagine being able to see such massive waves gushing towards you and you’re watching it from the beach! Nowhere to run. Surrender and accept the truth.

If we claim that we learn from experiences, events and incidents such as these must have also taught us something. That tsunami was a clear reminder to humanity. A reminder that there is very little under our control. A reminder of how uncertain life is. There are many such reminders. They have and will come in the form of tsunamis, floods, earthquakes, fires, typhoons or even with those little things we can’t control. Let’s be aware, be reminded.

Writing something when you have nothing to write is not that easy. I told you that. Today I have nothing to write but I want to publish a post. I can do this because something to write and something to publish are two entirely different things. Why can’t write anything today despite having time? Call it the blogger’s block. Complete lack of ideas. What I’m gonna do is to revisit and relink some of the earlier posts that I had published on this very blog. That’s easy isn’t it?

Remember typewriting & shorthand published on 15-Feb-09

Do you have those memories of the typewriting/shorthand institutes? Before the birth and death of computer institutes those were the centres of development of career and romance, not in that order. I loved shorthand but I just could not cut it in typewriting. Practice makes perfect. I’m sure it does. Otherwise, how can a typewriting institute drop-out like me can type a post in a few minutes?

Winner takes it all published on 23-Feb-09

It’s hard being a runner-up. You can say ‘winning or losing is not important but competing is’. If you say it as a winner, you’re gracious. If you say it as a loser, that might be seen as a poor excuse. Ask any loser, they’d know how important it is to win. As someone said, ‘winning is not everything, it is the only thing’. If so, spare a thought for the losers.

Critical thinking: Have we thought about our thinking? published on 02-Mar-09

Why is this blog titled as ‘critical thoughts’? What are critical thoughts? For the first week or so, I was calling this random opinions and then changed to the current title. ‘Random opinions’ was an apt title but it was sounding a bit ordinary. On the other hand, I thought ‘critical thoughts’ was just perfect and also sounds better as a title. But this post was all about the concept of critical thinking.

Playing to the gallery published on 20-Feb-09

The phrase ‘playing to the gallery’ is very commonly used in football. Sometimes you see footballers playing to please the crowd without any consideration to the situation of the game or the tactics advised by the coach. That’s when they are said to be ‘playing to the gallery’. But life is not a sport. It’s life and it’s yours. We don’t need to play to the gallery. How much we live our lives for ourselves? Or do we play to the gallery as well?

Are you game? published on 08-Mar-09

I love gaming. In fact, I’ve been a gamer for a very long time. Before I bought the computer and the xbox, I always played board games. With computers, I started playing the strategy games and some really good shooters. With xbox, it’s been football all the way. I last played a football game on xbox this morning and the next time I’d play would be tonight.

That’s it for today. I have a huge responsbility of informing all the bloggers I had tagged in the previous post. Cheers.

I’ve been tagged. If you don’t know what that means, it’s a practice in blogging society whereby you can ‘tag’ fellow bloggers and have them write stuff like 7 facts about yourself, 25 things you hate, 10 things that you’d die for and such stuff. I’ve been tagged by Lisis. What she’s basically done is to write a post in her blog in response to someone tagging her and also to pass on the batons to seven other bloggers. As the smart brains have figured out, I’m one of those seven tagged bloggers. Thanks Lisis!

Why do people tag all? It’s fun, it improves blogging network, it’s fun, it’s revealing and it’s fun. So then, I’m expected to write 7 facts about myself.  There are some self-imposed rules in tagging practice. I’m in full compliance as I’ve linked to the original tagger that is Lisis, I’d share seven facts about myself, I won’t forget to tag seven fellow bloggers and I’d let them know because they may not know otherwise.

I have about 7,000 things to write about, from which I’m writing about seven. These are not the most important seven things I want to write about. These are the seven things that came to my mind when I went about writing this post. So here are seven facts about myself. Some of these are top secrets, keep them to yourselves. To the one who knew all these: you are me.

Village: I want to live in a village like place, preferably atop a mountain. A place where there are fewer people to know, fewer houses, no multi-storey buildings, sound infrastructure, beautiful roads with very less traffic, gardens everywhere, cool weather/climate and lots of greenery and lakes. I’d like to retain all the technology I would want plus my pollution-free car. I’ve seen such beautiful places. I don’t know if those people there realise that they are living in such a divine place. Life there is simple and beautiful, not hurried and hassled.

Dreams: I don’t get dreams at all. Okay, there have been some very rare occasions but I just don’t get any dreams or nightmares. Of course, I base this conclusion on my morning recollection. It’s quite possible that George Bush was trying to hang me to death because I was hiding weapons of mass destructions in my pocket and I completely forgot about it when I woke up. Most people can remember their dreams or nightmares. From that norm, I say that I simply don’t get any dreams or nightmares. Did I say that I exclude those daydreams?

Blue: I love this colour blue. When I was a kid, I loved yellow and I don’t know when I ditched yellow and started dating blue. I’m a big fan of Chelsea Football Club but that’s not the only reason why like blue. For some reason, I like blue. That does not mean I wear blue shirts and pants with a blue underwear beneath. Sitting at home, I’m looking around to see if there is anything in blue. None except my daughter’s bicycle. But still, that’s my favourite colour. That’s the colour that’s most pleasing to my eyes.

Chess: I learnt to play Chess when I was 8. There was this house in our neighbourhood which had a chess set. That family did play a lot of chess. Watching them play and getting beaten like a fool, I learnt playing chess. Over the next few years, I think I improved from being pretty decent to pretty good at chess. We didn’t have computer at home back then but I had bought my best purchase – a chess set. Then there are these books and magazines (just in case you didn’t know) on chess with which I used to re-play the moves to improve my game. I could have taken it up as a profession. I think I was at the brink. Still, I love chess and I have a special liking for premium chess sets.

Academics: I was certainly a topper material. I had my way around in studying and cracking the exams. As long as I understood what I was reading/studying, I could knock it off in the examinations. I was never a student that studied all day all night, six months ahead of the exams or something. I was always a bit lazy, never too compromising when it came to how I spent my time. But I think, over a period of time, I had developed a formula that suited me so well in my academic life. Couldn’t top anything after school because I was also growing up.

Exciting habit: Nail-biting. Whenever I watch football or cricket. Whenever I play board games. Whenever I’m reading something in my laptop. Whenever I’m thinking about the next word. Well, I don’t really bite my nails off. Let’s say, I remove nails with the help of other nails, biting may be required on a case-to-case basis. This is one habit that disgust people but they should not have a problem as long as I don’t bite their nails. I know I end up getting very ugly fingers but that’s allright as I don’t plan to stick them up on my face.

Football: The only thing I don’t do about football is, playing on the pitch. I watch football. I follow football. I read football news all the time. I play football on the xbox. I talk about football. Now, it’s a part of my life. I was a huge cricket fan once. Football has blown me over with its charm, simplicity and excitement. What would I do if I had X million dollars? I’d buy a football club.

That’s about it. Now I’m tagging seven other bloggers. Some of them I don’t know. I know their blogs but I don’t know those bloggers. Here I go:

Venky’s Diary, Accidentally on purpose, What to name it, Life is just a bowl of cherries, My quest, 18,000 rpm and Happy Lotus.

I hope to contact these people to let them know that I’ve tagged them. By the way, I like this idea of seven this and seven that. I plan to use this structure more often.

I’m not a white-bearded philosopher but I have a philosophy. I’m sure you have one for yourself. So we are all philosophers in one way or the other. It’s just that our philosophy may not be sound enough that it gets shot down a few rounds of logical reasoning. Then it would turn into beliefs. Anyway, you can’t question my beliefs because they are mine and they need not be logical because they are beliefs. What I’m going to write today is all about my philosophy or belief or whatever you’d like to call it.

Do you know what gives you happiness? I hope you do. Otherwise, think about it today. To talk about what gives us happiness, let’s first talk about needs and wants. We all have needs and wants. Needs are what I would call as essentials for my basic existence and social status. Money is a need. Job is a need. A house or a car can also be a need. Satisfying the needs may not really give us true happiness. Needs follow Maslow’s theory of hierarchy. Once you satisfy yourself of a need, the other need is created or you create it. Needs are not wants. Wants are the expectations and desires that you as a person have for yourself. Unless you know what you want, you can never be happy.

The richest man is not the happiest man. The strongest man is not the happiest man. The most handsome man is not the happiest man. The most powerful man is not the happiest man. Even if one man happens to be the richest, the strongest, the most handsome and the most powerful, he may still not be the happiest man. Being rich, strong, handsome and powerful are all needs, temporary needs. These are needs that one may not realise as temporary needs when he has not achieved them.

Needs are those that you want ‘for your life’. Wants are those that you want ‘from your life’. Now that we have separated needs and wants, what are your wants? As we realise, needs never end. They only grow. While they are growing, think of your wants as well. What do you want from your life? How do you want to lead your life? Now compare the answers for this question with the list of needs that you have. You’ll realise that it is highly possible to satisfy your wants without satisfying your needs. Bed is a need and sleep is a want. If you keep upgrading beds without sleeping enough or realising that sleep is what you want more than the bed, it would be a sad life. For the society, you could be a grand success for only you know that you’ve wasted your life.

It’s quite important to know if we are driven by wants or needs. Needs are meant to be supporting your wants. Your wants are the purpose of your life. Your needs are supposed to help you further. Your needs don’t exist by themselves. They are there because you have certain wants. While the needs support the wants, they have no reason to exist if you have no wants. In reality, there could be people who have not identified their wants. But they would have identified their needs otherwise the society would help them identify. It is fully possible for someone to spend all their lives running behind the needs and dying without even thinking about what they actually want.

In the normal course of life, we are prepared only to handle our needs. Our education and our careers are all about handling needs. So it’s quite possible to get into this quick sand of needs and believe that’s all life is all about. Needs have no purpose by themselves. Getting rich, attaining power and reaching targets are all supposed to give you something. That’s what one must be aware of.

People who don’t identify their wants will never be happy. Because, having achieved all the needs, they would still experience that emptiness which they can’t explain. That happens when you don’t know what you want from your life. Now think of those things that make you really happy, things that give you sense of satisfaction. Exclude gratifications which are different from happiness. Gratifications arise as you fulfil a need or a desire. Think of only those things that you want from life, only those things you want others to give and you want to give to others. Once you know your wants, and once you realise that they are the very driving force of your life, needs may not even matter, let alone being very important.

For all of us, the want is to be happy. That’s for each one of us. We tend to believe that happiness comes in being more rich, more powerful and all that but the reality is happiness comes in being happy. It’s as simple as that. I want to live my life happily and spread this happiness to as many people as possible. That’s my want. My happiness comes in being happy. And I realise that unhappiness disappears when you create happiness for others. I think life is simple unless you’re bored with it and try complicating it.

That’s my philosophy in a nutshell, or in a blog entry, to be exact. This philosophy of mine is something I have concluded and realised based on understanding and experience of life. Don’t go on to try proving them wrong. Because I’m not open for logic

The Indian independence movement has always fascinated me. I was probably 10 years when I first saw the movie ‘Gandhi’. I’ve seen it many times since then. As a young boy, I never missed a chance to read, see or talk anything about Indian independence movement. As a kid you’d love heroes and the Indian freedom struggle produced so many of them. I used to think ‘if I had lived in the 1930’s or 40’s I’d have surely participated in the independence movement’. I used to like the idea of dedicating one’s life for a noble cause like Indian freedom. I guess I had too much ‘rush of blood’ back then.

Whenever I saw images and pictures of Indian freedom struggle and the attrocities during that period, they used to get my blood boil. I had a strong feeling that I’d have done something worthwhile. I’d not have joined the Indian National Army. Even as a young boy I was not attracted to the Bhagat Singh / Subhash Bose type of independence movement. I think I never believed in violence. I would have certainly joined Gandhi’s movement. I always respected and admired Gandhi. He might have got a few things right and few things wrong but to lead a life he led, is a massive achievement and sacrifice.

So, as a young boy, very naively, I have even thought, ‘why was I not born in that period? i could’ve fought for India’. I’m asking myself now. Do I now think that I’d have played an active role in the Indian independence if I was born, say, in1910?

I guess not. Now, I’m very convinced that I’d not have done anything special. To participate in anything like the Indian freedom movement, you need to have many things. You should have a concern for the people, you should have a desire to convert this concern into actions, you should be willing to make sacrifices, you should not worry about the consequences, you should stop living for yourselves. I don’t think I’d have made it. Probably, I’d have comforted myself into a nice job and family and probably at best, would have been writing in favour of Indian independence.

There are always needs for such movements. Earlier, it was for freedom struggle. Now there could be a new reason. In fact, the present reasons could be much more pressing than the freedom struggle. There might be a need for a movement against corrupt politicians, a movement against inefficient public servants, a movement in favour of education, a movement against communaism – there could be so many and there are so many. Have I shown any intention to change anything that’s happening around me. No. Have I shown any signs of actively engaging myself to bring about change? No. How can I honestly say that ‘I’d have played an active role in the Gandhian movement’? I cannot.

Active role does not even mean playing a leading role. Active role is just actively participating and supporting, which anyone with a genuine desire and passion must be able to do. When someone asked me if I’d like to become a prime minister, my answer was no. I don’t want to. I might be very unpopular with such a statement but I simply don’t think my life should be spent sacrificing for others. There were so many martyrs in the freedom struggle who spent all their lives and got nothing for themselves. So many unsung heroes. I don’t think I can make such sacrifices. And I don’t want to make such sacrifices.

How many of us have the courage to quit our fine careers for the common cause? How many of us prefer IAS and IPS over CA and MBA? How many of us can spend our lives for others? How many of us can take the plunge? How many of us will stop thinking ‘what’s in it for me’? Now, how many of us would say ‘I’d have done this and that in our independence movement’?

So many suicides. We all just read about a horrific suicide a week back. There are suicides because of ragging, financial troubles, job losses, failed romances, exam results, you name it. This post is not about why suicides happen or why they should not happen or how to prevent them. This post is about suicides but from a different angle. It’s certainly not the social angle, you can possibly call it the legal angle. Go on. Come up with your critical thoughts.

Buddy: Did you see that news about that Indian techie in US who killed himself and his family too?
Mate: Yeah sad. Let him commit suicide but why did he kill his family?

Pal: What do you mean by ‘let him commit suicide’?
Mate: I meant it’s his life and he ended it but he had no right to take others’ lives.
Buddy: Not exactly, mate! Attempt to suicide is an offence as per the Indian laws.

Mate: That’s bad. I wonder why an attempt to suicide is an offence?
Pal: In this case this guy has killed his family too. Think about this. Lone breadwinner in the family commits suicide leaving his dependants stranded. Sounds like a crime?
Mate: No. It doesn’t.

Buddy: See if one commits suicide you can’t do anything. If he was caught attempting, he must be certainly punished.
Pal: Exactly. Such a cowardly thing to do for someone responsible for his family.

Mate: Why would you punish someone who was already going to end his life?
Buddy: Punish him because he was cruel enough to escape while leaving his family carry his baggage.
Mate: Ok, see it from this perspective. Everyone has a right to end his/her own life. Who has more right than yourself on your life? If you talk about responsibility, why just talk about attempt to suicide, while there are so many other irresponsible acts?

Buddy: Well, I kinda agree. I don’t think someone can insist me to live when I don’t want.
Pal: Then it’s kinda easy isn’t it? I live my life the way I want. I drown into loans, drink and enjoy myself and end my life when I’m stuck. Irresponsible!

Mate: See, if you talk about responsbility, is there a law that says one cannot take sanyas which also involves abandoning the family?
Pal: That’s different.
Mate: In what way? Sanyas has an absolute disregard for the family the same way suicide has.

Buddy: Okay, if I’m single and I have no dependants, will I still be caught for attempting to commit suicide?
Mate: Plus, if I have a right to live, I must have the right to die.

Pal: I got an answer. Anyone who attempts to commit suicide may not be in a state of mental balance. They can be a danger to society until they are rehabilitated.
Mate: That’s a good one. You got me there.

Buddy: Still you don’t have to charge him with a crime. Just take this guy to a doctor or a psychiatrist, why charge him under the Indian Penal Code?
Pal: But you admit that someone who has had a failed suicide attempt can be a danger to society?
Mate: I’d say they would be depressed like hell. So the most dominant feeling must be that of depression and not anger or frustration or revenge which normally result in fatal criminal acts.

Pal: Technically, the police will have to arrest someone to admit this guy into a hospital. Without an arrest, they don’t have a mandate.
Buddy: Oh then arrest is just a legal vehicle for a medical destination
Pal: I think so! But I’ve also heard of one-year imprisonment for some of them who have attempted suicide.

Mate: My stance is very simple. Irrespective of the situation, anyone has the right to end his/her life and that’s it.
Pal: I don’t agree. Attempt to suicide is a punishable offence.
Buddy: I’m not sure!

Here I go again. Another zen blog today. Why do I publish zen stories here? When I read some of these zen stories, what I want to do is to broadcast this story to every single person I know. In fact, I want to tell these stories to everyone personally so we can then have that little interesting discussion what these mean to each of us. By the way, in case you’re in doubt, this is a ’secular’ blog (we’re all secular because elections are around). All I do is just publish the zen stories because they are short, sweet and pack a punch.

Here are couple of very simple, uncomplicated truths.

This is the story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbours came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically. “May be,” the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbours exclaimed. “May be,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbours again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. “May be,” answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbours congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. “May be,” said the farmer.

Great story. The old man never wants to call those as events of good fortune or misfortune. Why classify them into this or that? He does not reject them. He accepts them, but without a preference. For all those things that happen to the old man, it is his neighbours who are happy or unhappy. He doesn’t care how they feel and in fact he only has a ‘may be’ feeling.

After winning several archery contests, the young and rather boastful champion challenged a Zen master who was renowned for his skill as an archer. The young man demonstrated remarkable technical proficiency when he hit a distant bull’s eye on his first try, and then split that arrow with his second shot. “There,” he said to the old man, “see if you can match that!”

Undisturbed, the master did not draw his bow, but rather motioned for the young archer to follow him up the mountain. Curious about the old fellow’s intentions, the champion followed him high into the mountain until they reached a deep chasm spanned by a rather flimsy and shaky log. Calmly stepping out onto the middle of the unsteady and certainly perilous bridge, the old master picked a far away tree as a target, drew his bow, and fired a clean, direct hit. “Now it is your turn,” he said as he gracefully stepped back onto the safe ground.

Staring with terror into the seemingly bottomless and beckoning abyss, the young man could not force himself to step out onto the log, no less shoot at a target. “You have much skill with your bow,” the master said, sensing his challenger’s predicament, “but you have little skill with the mind that lets loose the shot.”

Oh how I love this one! How true the master’s words are. ‘Skill with the mind’. In normal circumstances, archery was a matter of routine for the champion. It was a matter or practice and routine that it became a reflexive skill. A matter of dexterity and hand-eye co-ordination. When he was put in unfamiliar grounds, he had to control his mind, its fear and its doubts, but he could not even concentrate. Thus, he had less skill with his mind though he had much skill with the bow.

Come up with your views and comments.